Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
