I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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