I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
