Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
