don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize