i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am spending my child support on dildos
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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