how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
