1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
