I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
