my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
