That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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