I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
