Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
