So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
