He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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