Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
