Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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