Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
