Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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