Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
