Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
