i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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