My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
