You're completely useless in the revolution.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
