she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize