i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
