You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
