Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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