Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
