So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
