I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
