I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
