Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
