If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize