I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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