Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
