The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
