i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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