it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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