Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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