i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
