I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
