I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
