oh god the rape fog is back!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
