K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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