Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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