I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
