You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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