Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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