i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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