What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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