dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
