When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
