I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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