...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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