For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
