You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
