guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
