i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
