Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
