im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
