Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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