youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
