I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
