You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
