Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
