all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
