Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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