So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
