Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
