never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
false alarm, still single
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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