The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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