Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
