Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
